The military is a hard life. For the active duty member, for the spouse, and especially for the kids, who didn't choose this life. There are ton of generalizations you can make about military kids- some of them are positive, some are negative. On the positive side, they are great at making friends and adapting to change. You can drop them off in a foreign country and they'll fit in in a flash. On the negative side, military kids are often troubled by constant moves, loss of friends, absence of a parent, and fear of loss. To make matters worse, military parents may resist getting help for their kids, because they think it appears weak, because they don't realize there's a problem, because they don't trust military assistance, or maybe even because they're worried they might not get an overseas clearance for their next assignment. These attitudes are understandable, but potentially very harmful to our children and our families.
This afternoon, I chanced upon a kid peeing in the stairwell in Hallasan Tower. I was so shocked that he was able to take off before I could even figure out what to say. I didn't recognize him, and my efforts to identify him have apparently failed. I know he's not unique, because a friend of mine saw a kid relieving himself on a slide at the Hallasan playground a few weeks ago. Lest you think I'm overreacting, this kid was at least eight, and likely ten; not a toddler or pre-schooler who couldn't make it to the bathroom, as was the one my friend saw. Because I am concerned about these kids (and because I don't care to live in a place where I have to wade through human waste to get to the playground or mailbox), I'd like to share an open letter to the parents of this kid and other kids who are like him, who are showing signs that they are seriously troubled. If you think you might know who the kid is and just don't want to say, please at least reach out to the family and offer your help.
Dear Parents,
I'm worried about your kid. I saw him peeing in the stairwell, and that tells me he likely has a serious emotional problem. Maybe things have been slowly getting worse at your house for a long time, and now they've been so bad for so long that this seems normal. Sure, kids of all ages do all kinds of ridiculous, thoughtless and messy things, but acting out in this way is NOT normal behavior. Click here to see some of the characteristics of troubled children. They include inappropriate aggression, and peeing in the common areas of our community definitely belongs in this category.
If some of the signs look familiar (aggression, age-inappropriate behavior, deteriorating performance/behavior, attention issues), please seek help for your family right away. While it can be difficult to get the help you need here, there are things you can do. Family Advocacy has resources that can help, or look for some online assistance at Military One Source, or other online communities such as MilitarySOS.com. Talk to his teacher to see how he acts in school; maybe a counselor or school nurse could provide some help. Try the chapel or a pastor at one of our local off-base churches. Google for information, or order some books, or ask a trusted friend or family member to assist you. Don't be afraid to break the silence; the stakes are high, and your kid is depending on you to help him. Nothing is more important.
I'm not just a community member disgusted and annoyed by pee outside my door; I'm someone who is worried about your child. He is crying out for help. Please listen.
Anna, guest blogger
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