Oh, Boy!

Let's face it, boys are weird. Then they grow up to be men and are weirder still. Don't get me wrong, I love boys. I better, I have two: 4 and 1. But they already do things that are incomprehensible to me, like peeing on the sidewalk or shoving each other off the furniture repeatedly while screaming with laughter. I have always been kind of a book nerd, so naturally I turned to books to try to figure them out.

Parenting books usually present a wide array of 'expert parenting advice' that conflicts. The cry-it-out or for God's-sake-don't-cry-it-out debate, for example. But, interestingly, the books on boys I've read are generally in agreement, and not very surprising:

Boys are different than girls, and typically more active and aggressive;

Boys may commonly relate to one another through competition, rather than cooperative play;

They don't take in what you are saying as readily as girls; and

It is natural for them to 'clam up' where girls might be more likely to share how they feel.

And, I have already found these things to be true, without question. Great, now what? There is also a high degree of agreement on parenting advice:

When you talk to them, make sure they are making eye contact with you- this may help them absorb what you say.

Encourage them to run around; some boys may even improve learning by practicing spelling, times tables or other tasks while doing something physical, such as jumping rope or bouncing a basketball.

Develop activities to do together; boys are more likely to share their thoughts and feelings while engaged in some other activity: fishing, model building, wood carving, knitting, whatever.

By far, though, the most important thing is time with Dad. I swear, some of the books come thisclose to telling the moms just to get out of the way. If you're a Dad, spend as much time as you can with your boys. If you're a mom, help your husband and sons spend time together, and hit the spa.

Books:

The Men They Will Become, Eli Newberger
Real Boys, William Pollack
Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson

I'm bored, got any good websites for me?

I figure surfing the web is better than stuffing my face, so that is how I kill some time during the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could be reading the classics, learning Korean, sewing my own clothes, or mopping the six months worth of sticky grime off the kitchen floor. But I'm not; I'm staring at the computer and I need some new sites! Here are some that I like:

http://consumerist.com/

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/

http://www.parenthacks.com/

http://www.etiquettehell.com/

http://www.motherinlawstories.com/

If you have some sites to share, please put them in the comments. I'm dying here.

Services for 0-3 Year Olds

EDIS (Educational Developmental Intervention Services) ~ our primary focus is on early childhood. We do work with kids 3 and older; however, at that time we collaborate with the school. From birth to three, we are kind of the "one stop shop." Any questions or concerns a parent may have regarding development, growth, behavior, toys to buy, sleeping, toileting, etc. EDIS is the place to call.

If parents are concerned with developmental delays, EDIS will do a screening, which briefly looks at the 5 areas of development (social/emotional, adaptive, cognitive, motor, and language) to see how the child compares to other children their age.

If the child appears to be low in one or more area or if the parent would like a complete developmental evaluation that can be done as well. In order to qualify for on-going EDIS services (e.g., speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, etc.), a full zevaluation needs to be completed. However, an evaluation does not need to be completed in order for a parent to ask questions.

Beginning in Jan., EDIS is going to implement "Well Baby Clinics," which will be an opportunity for parents to meet with an EDIS professional to discuss any questions or concerns they may have. They will be once a month at the clinic on base (Osan). I will give you more information on that as it becomes available.

In order to contact EDIS, parents do NOT need a referral from their pediatrician. They can contact at any time for any questions or concerns they may have. For contact information, e-mail coordinator@osanparentnetwork.com.

Elizabeth Schnobrich, Psy.D., ECSE - Licensed Psychologist, EDIS, Seoul, Korea

Directions: Toys R Us

There are two new Toys R Us stores that are attached to Lotte Marts in Seoul and one south of Osan nearer Busan. You can look them up online at www.toysrus.co.kr, but the site is in Hangul so it's a bit tricky. If you know someone who speaks Korean, they can help you translate. The store is really nice and worth the trip. There are Korean and American toys. The toys are more expensive than an American Toys R Us, but they are a bit cheaper than other places like E-Mart and the selection is the best I've seen yet in Korea.

To get there, you can take the train to the Guro station in Seoul. When you come out of the station, look around for Lotte Mart and you've found it. Very easy.

You can drive, but it's a bit more complicated and you're best off confirming the directions with a Korean local before going.

To get there:

• Take the Big 1 North and following the directions to Incheon (Rt. 50 West)


• Take the West Suwon exit


• Go North on the "Little 1" for about 20 minutes.


• Cross over the Han River


• Exit immediately and turn right on the other side of the river so that you are driving along the river road for about 5 minutes.


• Turn right to go back over the river at Guro Station (see signs)


• You'll see Lotte Mart and a Toys R Us sign in front of you.


• Turn left in front of Lotte Mart and turn right to get to the parking lot


• Toys R Us is in the basement. There is an elevator and escalators.

Volunteer for yourself!

One of the great things about Osan is the incredible variety of volunteer opportunities. You can work the phones at the AFRC, walk pets at the vet clinic, price merchandise at the thrift store, pitch mail at the post office, organize holiday parties, or any one (or more!) of a million and one other things. But why? It's kind of a pain to make the effort to get out and find a volunteer position that suits you. Yeah, it helps the base accumulate volunteer hours, which translates into cash for our on-base programs. Of course, it's good to help out a worthy organization if you can. And, sometimes you can get paid child care, which is tempting all by itself.

But here's something you might not have considered: volunteering can provide a huge benefit to you, too. It's a great way to learn a new skill, get some experience for your resume, or make contacts that could lead to paid employment. If you're interested in party planning, for example, OPN would love to have you do some children's holiday parties. Your squadron would probably appreciate your efforts, too, and so would the OSC and some other organizations on base. Take pictures at the party and document your work, and after a few parties, you have a nice portfolio to show paying customers.

Or, if you're interested in business, come to the thrift store and help out! You can gain some great experience in a variety of business and non-profit specialties: operations, marketing, merchandising, customer service and much more.

Almost every office on base can use volunteers, too, and you can make some valuable contacts. Many places on base are staffed by employees of big defense contractors who hire for jobs on bases all over the world, and likely at your next duty station.

There is definitely something for everyone. The AFRC has a list of ongoing opportunities, and there are always more popping up. Or, go out and find your own!

TDY: Temporarily Doin'it Yourself

It must be Thanksgiving because it's TDY time again. And this time, well, it's the same as usual. The house looks like a laundry bomb hit it as my husband "packed" for the trip. The kitchen shows signs of "going away" meals and the last bits of Thanksgiving clean-up. The kids are zooming around on the typical sugar-high and I'm on my own!

Sometimes I complain that I'm a single-parent at times like this, but this offends my husband. I suppose he has every right to be offended because it makes him sound like he's run off on an adventure without any care of what happens back at home. I understand that this literal fact is not true, but on the other hand, when the kids start throwing up, the homework needs to be done, the dinner needs to be cooked, professional responsibilties need to be tended to, the house needs cleaning, and the clothes are all dirty and need washing, for all intense purposes, it is true. I've got no back-up and, for some reason, TDY is often the time when the car starts falling apart or the kids need a middle-of-the-night ER trip. The main difference is that it is, thankfully, temporary.

As military spouses and parents, I think we do live a double-life. We have the life when our spouses are home and the life when they are gone. And, I think, they are two very different lives. Complete and incomplete. I stress out over upcoming TDYs and then stress out about settling back in when they are over. Just when you get the hang of things being one way, it's time for a chance.

While I'm amazingly blessed that Osan provides a unique support system unlike I've ever seen in my many years as a military spouse, the best support system in the world doesn't really change the fact that someone has to get up at three in the morning to change the sheets or if I'm having a spectacularly bad day, there's no relief and that can be a lonely place to be.

On the other hand, TDY time is also when we really find out what it means to be a support system. While we can't always fix every problem and be there for each other in the middle of the night, I know that, if I asked, someone would come and that helps. When I was talking to a new Osanite recently, she was concerned about what would happen if a medical emergency happened while she was so far from her family and I was able to say, without a second of doubt, that there would be help.

Sometimes I wonder how I can be so weak and dependant, then other times I'm amazed at how much strength I have at just "getting through". And, surprisingly, I do always "get through". Sometimes better than others, but always with new lessons learned and a new appreciation for the love and support around me.